Say ‘NO’ to Splash-Back; Go Toilet Paper Rafting.
Some people like it, some people don’t. It happens to almost everyone. You’re sitting there on the throne, coaxing out a log of doo and an instant after release you feel the cool, wet splash of toilet water on your ass. I have a friend who tells me he finds it ‘refreshing’. Nice. There’s nothing quite like getting dirty, nasty toilet water in direct contact with your skin. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can stop the dreaded ’splash back’ once and for all. All you need is a toilet paper raft.
Toilet paper rafting is lost and subsequently rediscovered over the generations due to a general lack of communication about the art of pooping. Not many schools teach pooping technique and as far as I know there are no books on the subject either.
The toilet paper raft is constructed by taking a length of toilet paper and folding it over itself several times so you’re left with a square ‘raft’ large enough to cover the entire drop-zone. This raft is then gently placed in the toilet right before the commencement of pooping. As long as the raft is afloat, splashing is minimized by the layer of paper between you and the water. If you’re delivering a large payload, you may need to deploy a second raft as it doesn’t take much loaf to sink the first. If you had the special last night then you may need three or more.
I thought i was the only one who did this. Very useful and has server me well. Be sure not to caught out by a sinking ‘raft’.
Comment by Dylan — July 19, 2006 @ 5:52 am
The raft sounds similar to the “Bridge over the river Kwai” technique or the Soft Drop Sling method.
I evolved the raft myself when I was about 12 but the sling is my favourite.
This involves tearing off about 8 sheets and placing one end on each of the toilet seat and putting your butt cheeks down to hold it in place.
Even a massive chocolate dropped will have it’s fall broken by the sling and then rest there waiting to catch the follow
through splash free.
A mighty interesting trick is to see if you can drive a clean hole through the sling. You must check afterwards.
Flushing is a breeze. You don’t have to put the sling down because it is dragged down off the bowl.
Happy crapping!
Comment by Anonymous — July 19, 2006 @ 9:52 am
[…] This was a pretty typical post. This guy, I’ll call him Pooping for short, took a ridiculous topic and decided to glorify it in hopes people would find it so funny that he’d be instantly famous. Well, it’s not funny, nor famous…nor is he. In fact, the domain is for sale now because the guy got sick of updating it. Pooping, having redefined phrases like drop-zone and afterglow, and coining new phrases like poop-flaps, ass-parts, and chocolate hot dog, did however manage to snare a few fans who were compelled to leave comments. Let’s take for example, Billiam who left this little treasure… “Here I sit all brokenhearted. Tried to shit, but only farted!” […]
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