I must say I hate my toilet.

If you’re a guy and you’ve ever pissed while wearing shorts or underwear, you’ve probably felt some piss-particles splashing your legs. What in the hell is up with that?! Piss in the middle and get splashed. Piss on the edge and spray mini-droplets on the ledge of the bowl. It makes you wonder how much piss is making it back out of the damn bowl.

And I’m running out of toilet paper constructing these damn rafts and slings to keep from getting my ass wet. I’m buying so much damn toilet paper the lady at the supermarket giggles every time I come back for more. Going to the damn bathroom has become an major event, I feel like I’m locked in mortal combat with cleanliness every time I approach that whooshing poop eater.

What a piece of shit…