So I was dropping some loaf today when a thought occurred to me: “Exactly how many dookiedogs have I squeezed through my rectum in my entire life? hmmmm…..” Then I thought about how cool it would be if toilet’s had poodometers. Little devices that count turds and maybe even count your flushes too. Toilets could be sold with a 10,000 turd guarantee and the advertising integrity of 2000 flushes toilet bowl cleaner could be more accurately put to the test.

Some people like it, some people don’t. It happens to almost everyone. You’re sitting there on the throne, coaxing out a log of doo and an instant after release you feel the cool, wet splash of toilet water on your ass. I have a friend who tells me he finds it ‘refreshing’. Nice. There’s nothing quite like getting dirty, nasty toilet water in direct contact with your skin. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can stop the dreaded ’splash back’ once and for all. All you need is a toilet paper raft.

Toilet paper rafting is lost and subsequently rediscovered over the generations due to a general lack of communication about the art of pooping. Not many schools teach pooping technique and as far as I know there are no books on the subject either.

The toilet paper raft is constructed by taking a length of toilet paper and folding it over itself several times so you’re left with a square ‘raft’ large enough to cover the entire drop-zone. This raft is then gently placed in the toilet right before the commencement of pooping. As long as the raft is afloat, splashing is minimized by the layer of paper between you and the water. If you’re delivering a large payload, you may need to deploy a second raft as it doesn’t take much loaf to sink the first. If you had the special last night then you may need three or more.

Welcome to The Pooping Blog. Finally, a blog that’s supposed to be full of crap!

Bookmark us and check back often for the details of my latest bowel movement as well as tips for you novice poopers out there.

Poopman