So I Just got off the pot after holding it in for a while and I’m so relaxed I could fall asleep.

It’s strange how pleasure appears to be relative, having an ass full of chocolate hot dogs sure is uncomfortable, but that return to normality after launching them out of your cornhole is so refreshing, all the stress and tension you see in the face of a man holding it in while he scampers like an idiot to the nearest stink lodge and crash lands onto the seat just melts away and you see him emerge relaxed and smiling. Maybe the best time to ask your boss for a raise is right after he takes a dump. You might not want to shake his hand though…

I guess that’s why some folks smile when they proudly announce “I’ve gotta take a huge shit”, because they know that soon they will be basking in the soothing state of poop afterglow.

So I was dropping some loaf today when a thought occurred to me: “Exactly how many dookiedogs have I squeezed through my rectum in my entire life? hmmmm…..” Then I thought about how cool it would be if toilet’s had poodometers. Little devices that count turds and maybe even count your flushes too. Toilets could be sold with a 10,000 turd guarantee and the advertising integrity of 2000 flushes toilet bowl cleaner could be more accurately put to the test.